It is sad that in most relationship partners often concentrate on the negative rather than on the positive about their spouse. A lot of emphases are not placed on edifying each other, but on exposing the other person flaws or fault. What you put into your marriage or relationship that is what you are going from it. Your marriage is a reflection of you so don’t blame your spouse, they too have to play their part in building a successful marriage.
Whether you are praising or criticizing, don’t lose sight of the reality that everything you do in your marriage should affect positive growth and change. We know it is much easier said than done, but a strong effort must be made to accomplish this. We believe that you must make a significant effort in working on yourselves by looking for ways to improve in the area that needs improvement. This will help you to better serve in your marriage.
Why put all of your energy on the negative things about each other? They often frustrate you and the is you can’t change them for your spouse. You are better off working with the good qualities they have and pray and ask God to give you the patience to deal with them. There are so many great qualities to celebrate in your spouse, when you focus on them you come alive. Why then would you waste energy and time centered on the bad? If you want to influence your spouse to change for the better, this is surely not the way to do it. Too often we magnify the little things about our spouse and minimize the great things and qualities about them.
One of the great things about self-evaluation is it allows us to look deeper into our selves rather than on the other person. The word evaluation means “the act of ascertaining or fixing the value or worth of.” Has I was reading the meaning for word I begin to think that the dictionary did not want to personalize the meaning, so they stop at the word “of” in this case let me finish the meaning for you. Evaluation is the act of ascertaining or fixing the value or worth of oneself. The word self-change everything in this meaning of the word. Yes! You need to take a good look at yourself. What are you doing to keep you focusing on the good about your spouse?
Your spouse will always have a different opinion on issues. Well, I would hope they do. If my wife agrees to everything, I say or do then she would be a slave. I did not marry a lady that I feel the need to control; I marry someone I desire to love, enjoy and cherish. I love my wife, and I enjoy being with her which means I enjoy her differences even when both of us at times find it difficult to understand each other. If your spouse has a different opinion or perspective about something, it doesn’t mean he or she is wrong. It doesn’t always mean that you need to have the same idea. Marriage is about unity, not uniformity. Been unified in your commitment to each other doesn’t mean you shared the same perspective on everything. Your differences make you stronger, unique, and special. Your uniqueness distinguished you from everyone else that is what makes you different. When you learn from each other and try to see the world from each other’s unique perspective, you enjoy a better life and marriage. Stop trying to correct your spouse or convince them that your way is better. Instead, strive to learn from him or her and give them the respect they deserve.
“WHATEVER YOU ARE LOOKING FOR IN YOUR SPOUSE YOU WILL FIND IT”
Whatever you are looking for in your spouse you will always find it. If you are looking for negative things, they are there. If you are looking for positive things, you will find it. The real question then is what are you looking for? It is amazing that most of us with the most issues always wants the other person to do better or do more.
“SOMETIMES THE HARDEST MESSAGE TO LIVE IS THE ONES WE PREACH”
Whatever you are asking of your spouse, BE IT FIRST! Be that change you want to see in them. You need to take a look in the mirror and see what the reflection is that is looking back at you. Let’s stop being so judgmental and start to look for the good in our spouse. We treat our spouse base on how we feel about ourselves. It’s time to see the change in you before you start looking for it in your spouse.
I learned great lesson years ago that I would never forget. When my wife and I counseled our kids about their report cards, we would look at their bad grades first. We would talk to them about what is going on with their low grades. We would be yelling and screaming at them about the class they did not do well in. After all the yelling and rebuke, by the time we look at grades they did well in it was tough to edify them. We put too much energy in talking about their negative. After all that chastisement, it was hard to transition back to being positive.
We Had to change our strategy, instead of focusing on the negative grades first we praise them on the grades they did well in. We would say things like “wow this is so awesome son, you Rock, keep up the good work” we would give them high-five and tell them how proud we are of those grades. When it comes to the grades they did not do so well in we just simply asked the question, What happen? And wait for them to explain it to us. After listening to them, we critiqued it and made our recommendation on what they needed to do to do better in those classes to get better grades. This technique eliminates all the tension that used to come with going over their report cards.
Isn’t it amazing that it is the same thing most couples do to their spouse? You would look past all the good in your spouse and focus on all the negative. You Magnify them to the point where they become a big problem. Focus on the good and learn how to deal with the bad things in a more loving and concern approach I do believe you would see a better result when you deal with conflict.
Focus on becoming a better you. Help with the process by working on seeing the best in yourself first. If you can’t see the best in you then you won’t find it in someone else. Don’t focus on the negative because you will find it if you look for it. Focus on the good things that are happening in the marriage. The good qualities are there you just refuse to acknowledge them because of your bitter state of mind. Pray to God and ask him to help you grow stronger in his love so you can be stronger in your love for each other. Don’t allow a negative situation to change how you see your spouse. Always remember that you will find in your spouse what you are looking for. Keep looking for their treasures you will definitely find valuable things in them.