Don’t Suffer In Silence 

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Don’t Suffer In Silence

If your marriage is in trouble, don’t suffer alone in silence. Help is out there and in the church. Don’t give up on what you felt God gave you before the troubles started cascading.

You can learn a new language to communicate your deepest hurts, your unmet needs, and your highest aspirations. You can learn new skills to listen like a champion, respond with humility and serve with dignity.

Bishop Cervin L. McKinnon was right when he said: “we have to move beyond the world’s irreconcilable differences.” Many marriages fail not because the differences are irreconcilable, but because the maze that they are trapped in offers no outlet, no end in sight to the pain and the protracted conflict.  Marriages fail not because you married the wrong person, but because both parties were not prepared to invest the level of work to achieve the needed success.

This is why I refuse to parrot the myth in our Christian circle that there is a single person out there for each of us- “The One”.  I have found the right one for me in the person of Senikha Ball because we have chosen to be the right ones for each other every day and for the 24 years that we have been a number. I do not feel the need to advance a simple myth that says that there is a single human being among the 8 billion people just for me. This myth creates unnecessary anxieties, unfair demands and a sense of loss when those marriages are upended by the unexpected and the unknown.

Marriage is about:

  1. Love and forgiveness in the same breath
    2. Being flexible with the many twists and turns of life
    3. Communicating and caring for each other even when it’s hard to do- sacrifice.

    We have romanticized marriage when we should make it a practical enterprise in the first place.  We have reduced a healthy marriage to a feel good marriage- and by default, when it fails to feel good we then walk away.

If your marriage is in distress reach out.  Confidential bible based help is here.

About the author

Bishop Dr. Roger Ball, LMSW, MRE

Bishop Dr. Roger Ball earned a doctorate from Fordham University’s graduate school of religion and religious education with a concentration in marriage and family life. He holds two Master’s degrees (one in Religious Education and the other in Social Work) also from Fordham University.

Dr. Ball is a NY state licensed master social worker. Secularly, he serves as an assistant principal within the New York City Board of Education. Prior to that, he was a Program Director with the Archdiocese of NY. Bishop Ball served as an Adjunct Professor at Concordia, Mercy and Monroe Colleges, and has been teaching at Fordham University’s Westchester campus for the last six years. He has also served as a Program Director within the African-American Male Initiative of the Children’s Aid Society.

He is currently completing studies for a third Master’s Degree which will be in Educational Leadership and Supervision through Baruch College. He is expecting to publish his first book on marriage and family in the near future.

His primary vocation is to be a husband to his wife, Senikha and father to their four children, Jonathon – 18, Vanessa – 16, Michael – 13, and Addison – 3.

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