I am writing this letter with a broken heart. I look back at the last couple of years, and I begin to realize how we got here. I too must take a personal look at my life to see how I contributed to our separation. After you left, I began to seek God and pray more. I develope a personal relationship with God. During my prayer time, I ask God how did we got here? What was my role in the demise of our marriage? I begin to realize that I prematurely throw away our marriage without finding out what was the reasons for your behavior. I asked you to leave, and now that you are gone I which we could have work things out. I know we had some problems we were going through, you have been asking me to let us work through them together. Unfortunately, I was too angry, and I did not listen to you. I listen to the wrong people, and for that I am sorry.
I joined a focus group at our church, and I am learning so much about how a wife should love her husband. All this time I thought it was your job to make me happy I know differently now. Through this group, I begin to understand the word of God with clarity. I know now my happiest does not come from you it comes from God and how I feel about myself and the accomplishment I achieved in my life. I want to personally apologize to you for putting that type of pressure on you. Your job is to be a husband and add value to my life base on how you treat me and love me. It was never your responsibility to make me happy.
I apologize for not being that supporting wife. I saw you as my competition I did not realize that you were not competing with me you just wanted us to work together.
All my life I did everything by myself. I was not raised in a home with both of my parents, and so I did everything by myself for a long time. And here you are now telling me and showing me how to co-exist in a marriage.
I apologize for not allowing you to lead. This group as taught me how to let you lead in the marriage. This has always been a problem for me and here is why. I have been taken care of myself since I graduated high school. I pay my own bills, I put myself through college, and I got my career started without anyone help. I was a part of a group of women who called ourselves “THE DIVA’s SQUAD” we would look down on men and think we are better than them. The group would manipulate and intimidate men. Because of our success and achievement, we thought we only need men for our sexual gratification. Why should I commit to a man when I have everything I wanted. At least that was our thought process at the time. Maybe the feminist movement had something to do with it I don’t know, but I often find it hard to be led by a man.
After doing all of this and accomplishing my goals by myself here, I am now in a marriage, and my husband is now leading me and making decisions for the family. It was very difficult for me to see at that time, that it was what God created and called you to be. God called you to lead me and to love me. I wanted your love, but I rejected your leadership.
I apologize for not being your HELP. I thought when the bible says God provides help for the man that I was to cook, clean, pick up your dirty underwear and wash tons of cloth. Since I am now lead by the Holy Spirit and mentored by people who have fruit on the tree concerning marriages, I realized differently.
You need my help because God designs it that way. God said in Genesis 2:18 “And the Lord God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.” I begin to realize according to Gods word I am your help. See, I thought this help mate thing was just a man ruling over a woman. It is so much more than that; it is more about the spiritual aspect of marriage than it is physical. We are supposed to bring out the best in each other. You have goals, dreams, and visions and I am your help to bring them to fruition. By helping you become a greater person, I am helping myself because we are one in marriage, the two become one flesh.
God put a womb inside of me because he knows that you have seed I have to carry. I am your incubator and your seed carrier. I am your wife. I want to be that wife God called me to be.
I apologize for talking down to you about Money. I should have respected you when it comes to money. Not because I made more money than you does not give me the right I can do what I want. The facts are even though I make more you are a better manager of the finances. I which I had listened, we would have owned our first house a long time. Again I am sorry.
I apologize for not submitting to you. I learn now that the world did not create marriage, God did. His principle for marriage works when we obey him. I have been listening to my friends in the world telling me not to submit to a man. I have found out that submission is not weakness. Submission gives each other power in the marriage because we are in submission one to another. I also discovered that a woman would never win the heart of a man she is not in submission to.
I apologize for using sex against you. For every time we had an argument I blow it out of portion. Sorry for staying mad for days even after you apologize sincerely. I knew you needed me sexually and I spitefully said no on many occasions. I realized it caused you to start rejecting me when I need you. If what I did influence you into the bed of your ex-girlfriend, I am sorry.
I apologize for not respecting you. I was told by one of the ladies in the group, respect for a man is what love and affection are to a woman. I was told a man needs to be respected and honored and the wife needs to be loved. I often thought when I called you names around my sister it was not a big deal. Now looking back your facial expression said it all. Sorry for talking to my family about our problems I should have known better. I do understand why you do not come to our Thanksgiving and my family gathering anymore. You have been getting the side eye treatment and the dirty looks. I am sorry.
I am learning through Gods Holy Words that I can be a better person I am becoming that person every day. Looking back now I realized you were a great husband and a wonderful father. I was too selfish to see it then. I am sorry, and I hope that you can find it in your heart to forgive me.
I still love you.